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A Tasty Treat?

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , , on April 27, 2013 by RJ Evans

Nothing fails like prayer. And that’s a very good thing. The other day while working out I realized that the prayers of christians come in only two flavors when they pray for non-believers. And neither option is very flavorful or satisfying.

Far from being the Ben & Jerry’s of religion, christianity offers only two prayer flavor choices… “Salvation” or “Destruction”. One appears to be very appetizing, piled high with its bright white cream and a rainbow of little candy sprinkles, shaped like crosses, generously blanketing the top. This flavor is called “Salvation”. The “Salvation” flavored prayer is generally the first prayer to be offered up to the mythical sky-fairy for the Atheist, or non-sectarian believer. On the surface it appears to be a very tasty, loving, caring, compassionate treat, calling for intervention into the life of an individual who’s believed to be unhappy, in emotional pain, desperate for help, and who (it is thought) needs a specific form of guidance. It sounds so delicious, so tempting, so utterly satisfying in its goodness and wholesomeness doesn’t it? But what if the person being prayed for is really happy, content, successful, and enjoying all the wonderful things life has to offer? What if the person is confident, competent, and taking life’s ups and downs in stride? It really doesn’t matter. As far as christians are concerned, they don’t have jesus, and in the alternate reality of christianity no one can possibly be happy without jesus. So… they deliver a quart of the “Salvation” flavored prayer. However, this flavor of prayer is far from good and wholesome. It’s a visual temptation deception masquerading a vile mixture of some of the most toxic and bitter ingredients known to man. Bigotry, hate, jealousy, fear, loathing, despair, self-deprecation… and a healthy dose of sweat from jesus’ mythical balls, all generously mixed into a stomach churning froth of acidic bile specifically designed to poison the victim and bring tears of joyous vengeance and self-vindication to those who are more than happy to deliver it. And woe unto those who refuse to consume it!

But, what happens when folks DO refuse to consume “Salvation”? What happens when they spit “Salvation” out after tasting its putrid, vomit-us, stench? The mix masters of christian prayer flavors have the perfect recipe of revenge for that! “Destruction”! “Destruction” is the end all be all prayer flavor for those who refuse to consume “Salvation” and savor the taste of sweat from jesus’ mythical balls! It’s a black, frothy, bubbling caldron like mixture, teaming with floating feces, candied pitch forks, and sprinkled with tar flakes. Deny jesus and you are certain to taste the wrath of christianity’s finest, most satisfying flavor! (At least it is for them) Made from double the same vile ingredients as “Salvation”, and mixed with  three ounces of the blood from jesus’ nut sack, this less than delectable taste treat has been crafted specifically to induce massively severe burns with 16 trillion Scoville Units of hell fire and damnation as it is force-fed to its intended target! Seriously! Deny “Salvation” and you’re guaranteed to taste the blood of jesus’ nut sack and puke fire with “Destruction”!

There really are only two flavors of prayer when it comes to christians praying for folks who don’t believe, or don’t believe in a specific christian dogma. And, that says a great deal about the religion. Do as christianity says, or die as christianity says. “Salvation” or “Destruction”. This “Do or Die” proposition is not loving, caring, empathetic, or compassionate. Of course, christianity has never really been about any of those things. It has been, and always will be, a manufacturer of poison dressed up to appear delicious and satisfying. It’s a feast for the eyes and a gut wrenching bio-hazard. Those who swallow it will suffer the consequences. Blind obedience, subservience, self-deprecation, denial, delusion, endless guilt, and loss of freedom… to name only a few. You will NEVER hear a christian pray for a non-believer’s happiness absent jesus or god. Never. The prayer flavors will always be “Salvation” or “Destruction”. And if a christian ever claims they pray for non-believer’s happiness sans jesus or god… Check their chin for the dripping sweat of jesus’ balls. They just pigged out on “Salvation” and are planning on delivering a quart of “Destruction” to your front door.

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How Far Is Too Far? – AHTV

Posted in Politics, Religion with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2013 by RJ Evans

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

April 1, 2013

Subject:  American Heathen® Brand

From:  Sherry Evans – Executive Producer,  Neil Viker - Associate Producer

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In October of 2012, the American Heathen® radio show was canceled following a 7 year run. Audience preferences for prerecorded entertainment and information had dealt a death-blow to the AH radio brand. Built on the LIVE Radio platform, and broadcasting from a facility specifically equipped for LIVE broadcast only, AH radio could not survive. After the mics went silent, RJ Evans and the AH Crew set out to reinvent the brand in an attempt to reignite the furnace of AH.  After a couple of months of discussions between cast members and Sherry Evans, Executive Producer of AH and owner of ShockNet Radio, it was decided that the AH brand would transform itself from a weekly 3 hour LIVE radio talk show, to a monthly 30-40 minute web television series. AHTV was born.

AHTV will produce 10 monthly episodes a year. The show will be considerably different from its radio predecessor, focusing very heavily on humor and satire, and promoting its mantra of “Freedom and Liberty for ALL” in that vein. The show will be very adult in nature (within the TOS of the show’s video web hosts) and will be unrelenting in its attacks on religion and politics in America. Hence the tagline, “The show that asks the question, ‘How far is too far?’…and then GOES THERE!”

The AHTV set and format will borrow heavily from current late night talk shows, but it will be everything but a talk show. Hosted on-set by RJ Evans and co-hosted by Chuck Doswell, the AH cast will be outrageous caricatures of characters that they created for the original radio show, and extremely offensive and scandalous humor will be the flavors to expect. From dark to light-hearted… From sophisticated to juvenile… The AHTV cast is gearing up to deliver an unforgettable, entertaining, and enlightening experience for secular America, and one that religious America will undoubtedly take serious offense!

Returning for AHTV:

RJ Evans

Chuck Doswell

David2

Ronald Bruce Meyer

Al Stefanelli

Yahweh

Ken Humphreys

AHTV’s first episode is slated to debut on December 25, 2013 as a tribute to the rebirth of the brand. The radio show was born on the same day back in 2005.  A new episode of the series will be available every 30 days thru Blip.tv/AmericanHeathen and YouTube.com/AmericanHeathen1. The show’s official website is AHTVOnline.com. AHTV will assume the current American Heathen – RJ Evans FaceBook page.

Contact - producers@ahtvonline.com

Like Us? - urock@ahtvonline.com

Hate Us? - usuck@ahtvonline.com

AHTV Promotional Teaser

AHTVBlip-POSTER

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Waiting for Papa

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , on March 13, 2013 by RJ Evans

(The following post is courtesy of blog contributor/author John Mill)WhiteSmoke

The news coverage of choosing another pope to replace the retired Pope Benedict XVI, while amusing to the nonreligious (among which I count myself), lacks some essential historical background. I’m not talking about Benedict (aka Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger) being the first Pope to leave the chair of St. Peter not inside a box since Pope Gregory XII in 1415, and the first to do so on his own initiative since Pope Celestine V in 1294, or of his fresh replacement, 76-year-old Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, aka Pope Francis, the first non-European Pope since the 6th century and the first ever from the New World.

What’s missing from the narrative and background is some historical perspective on the papacy itself. For example, because the office was always political, there were numerous popes who died of non-natural causes: from 800-1100, arguably the age of strongest faith, there were 89 popes, or a new pope every 3-4 years. The child sex abuse scandal that still rocks the church is nothing new: it was a grave problem in Germany from the mid-1930s, but was overshadowed by some larger troubles in that country. The scandal has been following the Roman Catholic Church since at least the Middle Ages, especially among the cloistered folk.

But one of the biggest misconceptions about the papacy is that the center of authority in the Church has always resided in the Bishop of Rome, that is, the Roman Pope. Often we hear the words of Augustine, “Rome has spoken,” as the way matters were always closed by the Pope in Rome. But this is not even close to being true.

Setting aside the claim that the Roman Church is a shining example of democracy because popes are elected and not hereditary – you can see the irony in, first, the Pope being a monarch, second, the electors being only Cardinal-Electors, and third, the clergy not being allowed to marry, anyway (at least since Lateran II in 1139) – in the beginning, every bishop of the Church was a pope (literally papa, or “father”). That is, every diocese in every part of the late Roman Empire was administered by a bishop (episcopos or “overseer”) who had every right to call himself a pope.

More important, the bishop at Rome did indeed try to claim power and authority over the entire body of the Catholic Church – and he was rebuffed every time! You read that right: from about 190-290 CE, every time the bishop of Rome tried to speak with authority for the entire Church, the other bishops told him to stuff it! Pope Victor (189-199 CE) tried to dictate policy to the churches in Asia Minor (based on the biblical interpolation that has Jesus founding his “church” on the “rock” of Peter). Bishop Eusebius records that the Asiatic bishops rejected his claim and “bitterly reproached Victor.” Tertullian also sarcastically refers to the pope at Rome as claiming to be “the Supreme Pontiff, that is to say, the Bishop of Bishops.”

It would be another 50 years before the Roman bishop would try again to claim authority over the whole Church. Pope Cornelius (251-253), and later Pope Stephen (254-257) tried to dictate to the African bishops. Cyprian, head of the African Church at Carthage, shot back with scorn in letters (54, 67 and 72) a repudiation laced with irony, saying in the name of the 80 African bishops, “None of us regards himself as the Bishop of Bishops or seeks by tyrannical threats to compel his colleagues to obey him.”

In 340 CE, Pope Julius (337-352) attempted to give orders to the Eastern bishops, whose reply was “full of irony and not devoid of serious threats” (according to the ecclesiastical historian Sozomen, ca. 400-450). In 382, Pope Damasus (366-384) drew an equally disdainful response to the same demand for obedience. Augustine himself (354-430) did not recognize the authority of Rome on doctrinal matters.

In 445 Leo I (400-461) tried to assert the supremacy of Rome and, even with the African Church unraveling under the invasions of the Vandals, still the claim was blasted in “language which no layman even should dare to use and no priest to hear,” wrote Leo. Indeed, until the fall of the Western Empire in the 5th Century, every assertion of Roman supremacy was repudiated. After that, resistance was futile.

So when you see the white smoke signal from the Sistine chimney, know that the Roman Catholic Church relied not on moral suasion, but had bullied its way to preeminence. As it was truly said by Thomas Hobbes, who even in his 1651 Leviathan recognized the essential irrelevance of the church as “the ghost of the deceased Roman Empire sitting crowned upon the grave thereof.”

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Rule The World… One, Poor, Innocent, Ignorant Bastard At A Time

Posted in Politics, Religion with tags , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2013 by RJ Evans

fascism

“Everybody wants to rule the world…”

So goes the refrain from the 1985 hit song by Tears For Fears. Curt Smith, founder of the band, said of the song, “The concept is quite serious – it’s about everybody wanting power, about warfare and the misery it causes”

Power, warfare and misery. Three things that religion heavily relies upon to promulgate its doctrines and feed the spread of its immoral disease. Religion demands power because it claims inherent right to it through divine proxy. Religion declares war, figuratively or otherwise, on all who oppose it. And, religion uses human misery as a tool to lure and indoctrinate the innocent and the ignorant. Religion wants to rule the world… One, poor, innocent, ignorant, bastard at a time.

 “Cranks”

“Christian thought… often gave irrationality the status of universal ‘truth’ to the exclusion of those truths to be found through reason. So the uneducated was preferred to the educated, and the miracle to the operation of natural laws.” – Charles Freeman, Historian

“Ignorance, whether willful or otherwise, is a very dangerous state. When left unattended and unchecked, it can, and will, eventually lead to mass societal and political dementia. Eventually what’s real becomes unreal, truth becomes fiction, and reason vanishes in the cloud of the delusion. What’s left is an institution run by the patients and where chaos becomes the new norm.” – RJ Evans

“Cranks” is a term used by Charles P. Pierce in his book Idiot America to describe wild, crazy, insane, lunatic ideologues, people whose ideas are far removed from reasoned, logical, educated thought. They are folks who, at one time, were dismissed for their obvious disconnect with reality. But today, their crazy, whacked out, illogical and woefully ignorant rhetoric has become an accepted and extremely influential part of American culture, politics and discourse. As Pierce notes in Idiot America, “The rise of Idiot America, though, is essentially a war on expertise. …The rise of Idiot America today reflects – for profit, mainly, but also, and more cynically, for political advantage and in pursuit of power – the breakdown of the consensus that the pursuit of knowledge is a good.” Pierce also notes that the best way to sum up his tour of Idiot America is with a quote from pastor Ray Mummert who said the following after the Dover, PA decision against the teaching of Intelligent Design. “We’ve been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of our culture.”

When Yin Becomes Yang And Vice Versa

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” – Blaise Pascal

The “cranks” are slowly inheriting the earth, demanding to rule the world one, poor, innocent, ignorant bastard at a time. In America, it’s fundamentalist Christianity that takes “crank” to a whole new level. Fundamentalism, once considered an outsider of mainstream religious belief in the United States, has become a mainstream political and social movement. The dogma has hijacked the Republican party, expelled the voices of moderation from the party, shredded the Constitutional principle of Separation of Church and State and invaded public education to the detriment of American youth . The efforts of a minority, a religious crackpot cabal of dominionists, reconstructionists, and other theocratic screwballs, has paid big dividends toward the eventual establishment of theocracy in the United States. What’s more, moderate Christianity is slowly but surely embracing the message of fundamentalism. But, it’s doing so because fundamentalism has redefined the words “liberty”, “freedom” and “justice” without telling anyone. In American Fascists, author Chris Hedges states, “…values, democratic and Christian, are being dismantled, often with stealth, by a radical Christian movement, known as dominionism, which seeks to cloak itself in the mantle of the Christian faith and American patriotism”. Hedges also notes, “They engage in the slow process of “logocide”, the killing of words. The old definitions of words are replaced with new ones. Code words of the old belief system are deconstructed and assigned diametrically opposed meanings. Words such as “truth”, “wisdom”, “death”, “liberty”, “life”, and “love” no longer mean what they mean in the secular world. “Life” and “death” mean life in Christ or death to Christ, and are used to signal belief or unbelief in the risen Lord. “Wisdom” has little to do with human wisdom but refers to the level of commitment and obedience to the system of belief. Liberty is not about freedom, but the liberty found when one accepts Jesus Christ and is liberated from the world to obey Him.”

Other strong influences of fundamentalist Christian dogma on moderate Christianity are the powerful motivations of despair, isolation, disconnectedness and, of course, fear. While there are many divisions within Christianity as a whole, and many moderate Christian denominations tend to resist the extremism of fundamentalism, Hedges writes, “…within this mass of divergent, fractious and varied groups is this core group of powerful Christian dominionists who have latched on to despair, isolation, disconnectedness and fear that drives many people to these churches. These dominionist leaders have harnessed these discontents to further a frightening political agenda. If they do not have the active support of all in the evangelical churches, they often have their sympathy. They can count on the passive support of huge numbers of Christians, even if many of these Christians may not fully share dominionism’s fierce utopian vision, fanaticism or ruthlessness.” Hedges goes on to note that the “appeal of the movement lies in the high ideals its radicals preach, the promise of a moral, Christian nation, the promise of a renewal.”

Once words have been redefined, the “cranks” easily take advantage of current events and tragedies, using them as hooks to reel in believers of all flavors. It’s at this point that the fundamentalist promise of “renewal” becomes a strong emotional manipulation. Fundamentalists take great pride in fueling the fires of despair, isolation, disconnectedness, and fear in a public forum, by claiming that all Christians are persecuted, unborn babies are being murdered, homosexuality is the equivalent of child rape, that the economy is failing due to moral decay and that science is a deception. Add to this any number of other issues that have potential to illicit strong emotions in the populace and suddenly their agenda for “good” overshadows any care for the real agenda of dominion.

Take A Look Around

“They would have to be as familiar and reassuring to loyal Americans as the language and symbols of the original fascisms were familiar and reassuring to many Italians and Germans, as Orwell suggested. Hitler and Mussolini, after all, had not tried to seem exotic to their fellow citizens. No swastikas in an American fascism, but Stars and Stripes (or Stars and Bars) and Christian crosses. No fascist salute, but mass recitations of the Pledge of Allegiance. These symbols contain no whiff of fascism in themselves, of course, but an American fascism would transform them into obligatory litmus tests for detecting the internal enemy” – Robert O. Paxton, Anatomy of Fascism

I’ve laid out the groundwork for how Christianity wants to rule the world. There are many of you out there, Christians who consider yourselves to be moderates, and who will firmly argue that you support the Separation of Church and State. You will most likely call me out and declare that I’m painting all Christians with the same brush. You would be right. I am. And here’s why… Your silence on matters of religion in politics in America is deafening. While you may reject the fundamentalist’s conduct and doctrine and some of the political pandering on their behalf, you fail to realize your own hypocrisy. You see…You still insist on serving a master/s. God, Jesus. You still believe in putting a king before your democratic republic “by the people and for the people”. You still vote thinking we are “One Nation Under God”, and you still insist on some form of religious encroachment into matters of government. There is no freedom found through belief. More importantly, by not speaking out, and not speaking out loudly, against fundamentalist dogma… by cloaking any of your discontent in “They’re not really Christians” or “Why can’t we just co-exist?” or “But Jesus loves everyone”, you are surrendering your right to believe the way you want to believe in this country. You are surrendering it to those who will demand your allegiance to their dogma when they wrestle power from the Constitution. Take a look around. Everybody wants to rule the world. One, poor, innocent, ignorant bastard at a time.

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The Immorality of Christian Morality

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , , on January 23, 2013 by Al Stefanelli

Here’s my take on the alleged ‘morality’ of the Christian faith.

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The Slavery Of Christianity

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , , on January 7, 2013 by RJ Evans

Slave-shackles-Does-the-Bible-condone-slaveryRecently 60,000 Christian youth from all over the world gathered in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome for the “Passion 2013″ conference “…to shine a light on modern-day slavery”.  To some of you this might sound like a noble cause.  But, it’s truly far from it.  Religion’s number one requirement is slaves.  Indeed, the Christian religion is NOT a vehicle to freedom and liberty for all or human rights, and far from a shining example of compassion or empathy for the downtrodden and abused of humanity.  In fact, Christianity THRIVES on the downtrodden and abused. Literally scammed into believing their lot in life will be better under the lash of a skyfairy, millions of people are led from the bondage of circumstance to the bondage of religion.

On The Christian Plantation

Christianity operates from the premise that one must spend a lifetime of indentured servitude to the skybaby, at the very least.  At the most, the human being is considered to be the slave of the skyking, and under the threat of everlasting torment (the pain of the lash?) if someone tries to escape, or decides to serve another slave master of dubious divinity. On the Christian plantation, slavery isn’t just part and parcel of scripture, being a slave to the skyfairy is the only way one can achieve the pinnacle of heaven.

Before I proceed, let’s take a quick look some definitions for the words “slave”, “slavery”, “indentured” and “servitude”.

From Dictionary.com

slave -
1.a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant.
2.a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person.

slavery -
1.the condition of a slave; bondage.
2.the keeping of slaves as a practice or institution.

indentured -
1.a deed or agreement executed in two or more copies with edges correspondingly indented as a means of identification.
2.any deed, written contract, or sealed agreement.
3.a contract by which a person, as an apprentice, is bound to service.

servitude -
1.slavery or bondage of any kind: political or intellectual servitude.
2.compulsory service or labor as a punishment for criminals: penal servitude.

These definitions are important to this discussion.  Therefore, any argument put forth by the believer must take into consideration the accepted definition of these words.  With this in mind, there are those who will quickly jump into the “free will” counter and posit that slaves don’t choose to be slaves. But, I argue that the definition of the words “slave” and “slavery” above cover this quite nicely. Christianity uses the threats of hellfire, damnation, eternal torment, and outright death. There’s plenty of incentive for a person to work the fields of the Christian Plantation when their future hangs in the balance. If a person is sufficiently frightened, terrified, bullied, made to feel inferior… their “free will” is about as useless as a comb to a bald guy.

The Doctrine of Christian Slavery

The bible is perhaps one of the best places to justify slavery of any kind.  No matter how you slice and dice it, cherry pick it, and/or sterilize it, there’s no escaping the foundational principles for slavery laid out in the bible’s Ten Commandments.  Just take a look at the first four commandments of the King James version of the Bible. Touted as the end all be all foundation of the American system of law and government by the Talibangelical Religious Reich, these four imperative directives are dripping with implied threats to the Christian slave.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.  But, it doesn’t stop there.  After serving the master for an entire human lifetime, those that ascend to join the skyfairy in heaven must serve him for eternity.


Slaves codes in the Deep South were a list of rules that governed the slave and, believe it or not, the slave owner. Here are a few examples of the rules that slaves had to live by, and my notes in italics that show the uncanny similarities to the Christian religion:

From Wikipedia

Deep South

Slaves were forbidden to leave the owner’s property, unless accompanied by a white person, or obtaining permission.

(You can’t go anywhere without Jesus/God looking over your shoulder. You should probably pray (ask) for permission to do something you want to do before hand.)

If a slave leaves the owner’s property without permission, “every white person” is required to chastise such slaves.

(Chastising, Shaming, Guilt, brought to you by your church’s congregation, the preacher, Jesus/God.  You should  have prayed for permission.  But even then, there’s no guarantee.)

Any slave attempting to run away and leave the colony (later, state) receives the death penalty.

(Covered in the bible multiple times.  Walk away from the skytyrant and skybaby and it’s curtains!)

Any slave who evades capture for 20 days or more is to be publicly whipped for the first offense; branded with   the letter R on the right cheek for the second offense; and lose one ear if absent for thirty days for the third offense; and castrated for the fourth offense.

(Another one that’s covered multiple times in the bible.  I don’t have space to list all of them.  Try actually reading the fucking thing yourself!)

The South Carolina slave code was revised in 1739 with the following amendments:

No slave shall be taught to write, work on Sunday, or work more than 15 hours per day in Summer, and 14 hours in Winter.

A fine of one hundred dollars and six months in prison are imposed for teaching a slave to read and write, and death is the penalty for circulating incendiary literature.

(Remember the story of Adam and Eve, the Serpent and eating from the Tree of Knowledge? Knowledge bad!!!!!)

Conclusion

I could write an entire book on this subject.  But, I’m not interested in having to swallow any more of the Christian shit than is needed to hammer home the obvious.  Christianity is Slavery.  It’s bad enough that we have to deal with Christians, of all stripes,  that actually think they are righteous in their biblical screed of love and forgiveness, when in fact it always reveals the massive hypocrisy of their belief system.  And it’s even more disgusting whenever they speak of freeing people from the “bonds of slavery”.   Sure.  Trade one slave master for another! Freedom and Liberty for all is NOT attainable under the thumb of any slave owner.  Human or Divine.  God and Jesus, Allah, Yahweh… whatever entity people believe in… they are ALL slave owners, reflections of human arrogance, byproducts of ancient human dictators who sought to dominate and control those who were gullible, naive, and afraid.  The folly continues today.  And that is a very sad comment on what the future of religious slavery may hold.  Don’t be a slave. There is no slave owner (god).  Set yourself free.

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Season Of The Bullet

Posted in Politics, Religion with tags , , , , , , , on December 21, 2012 by RJ Evans

Bullet_coming_from_S&WPearly Gates, Heaven (JP) – 2012 is being called the “Season Of The Bullet” according to sources within the gates.  Multiple mass murders throughout the United States of America on planet Earth, Yahweh’s stockyard, have prompted many liberals in President Christ’s administration to call for a $17 gazillion hike in the 2013 budget for the Department of Prayer, Reflection, and Hype.  St. Blovia of Baptist(R), senior saint for Heaven’s Ways and Means Committee, was adamant in his reply to the request, “There is no way our party will yield to such a ridiculous request from the lefties.  We are fast approaching a fiscal cliff that will result in total disaster for our heavenly economy.  Cuts. We need more cuts. Not more spending. We’re not going to spend one more red dime on lazy cattle. ” Blovia said.  St. Nicholas of North Pole(D) countered,  “How many of our stock have to die before my esteemed colleague faces the facts?  Our system is broken.  Our prayer random responder is overloaded.  It’s being taxed to the limit. It’s receiving billions of prayers a second and its processor is barely able to keep up with the simple trilogy of answers.  You’d be surprised at just how monumentally difficult it is for the computer to generate “yes”, “no”, and “wait” with that kind of incredible input. On top of that, we are dealing with astronomical numbers of our human cattle dying of hunger, their homelessness, their illness, their wars, climate change, and stupid YouTube videos. We need to spend, spend, spend!”

At his weekly press conference today, the Heavenly Father was put on the defensive when a question, telephoned in from the United States by an atheist reporter, took the creator of the universe off guard.  RJ Evans of American Heathen® asked Yahweh, “Where have you been lately?  We have a lot of people being killed down here and you’re not doing a thing about it.  Why aren’t you intervening?”  Yahweh, appearing rather uncomfortable following the question,  wearing his trademark finest white silk robe and a pair of light-as-a-feather Nike’s, showed a serious moment of distress quickly wiping sweat from his brow before he answered.  “Ah… umm… While I can appreciate your concern, you must realize  that I’m not obliged to answer you because you’re an Atheist.  However, it is a question that deserves an answer because I must demonstrate my power too you in order to convince you of my power.  The answer is… Honestly, I’m far too busy to concern myself with such trivial matters.  I created earth and human beings to serve me.  They are cattle stock. They are there to feed my ego.  Nothing more.  My only responsibility too them is to give them false hope and provide a healthy income to those cattle who go the extra mile to sell me.  After that, fuck’em.  I brought them into the world.  They can take themselves out for all I care.  I’ll make more.  Especially after certain members of the stock outlaw abortion, and sex that doesn’t result in procreation.”

Yahweh is scheduled to address the Catholic Church next week at the Heavenly Ball on the grounds of the Vatican.  The current Pope will join Hitler and other notable tyrants for their annual “Festival of Christian Damnation and Bigotry”, a celebration of Christianity’s 2013 notable years of world domination.  The invite only party will commence at 6pm and is expected to last through the year.

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Merry – Warm, Fake, Fuzzy- Holidays (Baa Humbug!)

Posted in Politics, Religion with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2012 by RJ Evans

Tis the week before Christmas and all through the world,
people claim peace and happiness, and joy to the world.

A once a year fest of holiday cheer and mythical froth,
born of a myth in a tiny loin cloth.

All proclaim joy, happiness, and love,
peace and tranquility that must come from above.

But after a day, a night and a few too many beers,
a ham and some sweets, begin the post holiday jeers.

Who cares anymore? They’re all evil crap!
The day is gone it’s time to get back…

Get back to the vitriol, violence and grunge.
Get back to the condemnation in the name of tough love.

The prince of peace has only one day,
after that… Fuck it, it’s God’s way or the highway.

scrooge-iconIt’s that time of year again!  The time of year when the masses get all mushy, calling for world peace, love, understanding, and any other meaningless platitude they can think of, in celebration of the birth of a mythical baby god.  Some 85-90% of Americans claim to believe in one of the 44,000 christian versions of a skybaby, skyrat, or skyking.  And December 25th is supposedly the day that the skytyrant was born.  It’s a day when christians don their fake happy faces, yabber an over abundance of “god bless you” ‘s, “merry christmas!”,  and  proclaim that it’s all about peace, love, happiness, “joy to the world…” and  “…let earth receive her king!”  King?  Ah, aren’t we a democratic republic?  I mean, come on now!  Didn’t we declare independence from a monarchy?  And I’ve never seen the skybrat on any ballot that I’ve ever cast.  Well, at least not in name anyway… I’ve come across a few human god-idiots who claim to represent said deity.

Anyway…

Peace, love, happiness, “joy to the world…” It’s really all dribble.  In the end, the only thing the holiday represents is socially acceptable christian bigotry with a cheesy fake smile, wrapped in the Wall Street journal, a nice nativity scene tag, and topped off with the pretty red or black bow of consumerism run amok.  A red bow for when folks don’t purchase enough useless shit, and a black bow when folks purchase way too much useless shit.  And, all of it is delivered by the fastest, most reliable mass freight delivery service in the world… Santa Claus!   A white man in a red suit, driving a sleigh being pulled by eight  American caribou (they HAVE to be American caribou – preferably white caribou -  because it’s all about jesus, and jesus is white,  and America IS ALL about jesus).

Speaking of Santa Claus…  Have you ever noticed the “red” suit?  Red!  Now, I’m not into conspiracy theories, but let’s take a good long look at this choice of color. The color red  “is commonly associated with danger, sacrifice, passion, fire, beauty, blood, anger, socialism and communism.” according to Wikipedia.   And let’s not forget the whole “Red States” thing.  Coincidence? Oh Sure!  Of course, Santa IS a socialist.  That’s a fact.  He gives toys away to anyone who’s nice (toys made in “Red” China).  Nice?  Alright!  Who’s making the decision on who’s naughty or nice?  Santa?  Republican Elves (read tiny minds of Congress)?  It’s obvious that, this year, 47% of Americans are going to get coal in their stockings because they’ve been feeding off the governments tit.   Lazy socialist bastards!  Socialism for those who hate socialism!

The day after Christmas is the tell-all of the holiday.  As the needles of the Christmas tree dry out and start falling from the tree… as stomachs churn in the ever-expanding waistlines of American gluttons… after churches around the country have spewed their fantastic puke about the birth of their king of peace and how important it is to share a universal message of peace, love, happiness and “joy to the world…” (conditional upon unquestioned acceptance of faith over fact)… Americans kick off another 364 days of vitriol, division, hate, bigotry, racism, and violence, in the name of the skyrat , and it’s all OK.  They’ve been forgiven after all.  And after the plastic has been retired to the wallet and removed from the face, the hypocrisy reveals the reason for the season.

Twas the day after Christmas and all across the country,
the bigots, those dregs, and the self-righteous christian punditry…

Bellowed and hollered and threw their fits,
for 364 more days, before their next round of holiday bullshit.

Their next play is Easter, a time for more horse,
Shit of the most vile, a cause for more uncivil discourse.

So prepare yourselves all, who truly care for our world.
Their jesus is coming, and he’s really a turd.

His minions play games of pissing, moaning, and plot,
to hamper the efforts of our secular lot.

They want dominion over you and I
They insist that we’re evil, a dastardly ply.

Bare witness to fact, evidence and reason
Don’t buy into their so-called reason for any season

Stand firm, resolute, and be bold with love
Their hypocrisy always reveals the lie
of the one they claim comes from above.

_________________________________________

Merry – Warm, Fake, Fuzzy – Holidays!  (Baa Humbug)

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When You Think What’s Right Is Terribly Wrong

Posted in Politics, Religion, Science with tags , , , , , on November 22, 2012 by RJ Evans

One if the biggest dangers that any religion poses to humanity is the notion that an all-powerful, perfect deity has established specific moral guidelines by which humans are universally bound. Of course, these moral guidelines were supposedly established thousands of years ago during a time of human ignorance and barbarism.  And what’s more, the vast number of interpretations, based on the particular deity being worshiped, geographic location and culture, along with an infinite number of individual influences and interpretations, lays waste to any possibility of  global uniformity.  This reveals one of the great lies of religion.  If there were such a thing as a creator, a god, a skyrat, there should be a universally accepted and understood set of moral guidelines.  Shouldn’t there?  But there isn’t.

In the quest to convince the masses that morality requires religious belief, religions around the world insist that it is their particular deity, brand, flavor, that is the “Real Thing” and all others are merely deceptions.  They will all insist that it is their specific faith that has a lock on what’s good, what’s right, what’s virtuous.  And herein lay the very foundation of tyranny.  If enough people can be convinced that a particular religious moral view is right and all others are wrong, then tyranny will flourish.  Where tyranny flourishes, good people can easily be coerced and convinced to do anything to anyone who opposes their religious “moral” guide.

In the 1960′s and 1970′s two empirical studies were conducted that strongly suggested that people would blindly conform to instructions given them by authority figures, and that folks would also be abusive without question under those conditions.  ‘Obedience to Authority’ (Stanley Milgram) and ‘Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment’ (Philip Zimbardo) were the two landmark studies.  Recently, Professor Alex Haslam of the University of Queensland, and Professor Stephen Reicher of the University of St Andrews, revisited these two studies and concluded that folks don’t blindly follow the instructions of authority figures, but will do so if they have been sincerely convinced that what they are doing is “virtuous”.  “Decent people participate in horrific acts not because they become passive, mindless functionaries who do not know what they are doing, but rather because they come to believe — typically under the influence of those in authority — that what they are doing is right,” said Professor Haslam in an article posted on ScienceDaily.com.

Religion’s hard sell is ALWAYS moral “virtue”.  The very notion that moral “virtue” can only be found through religion has been, and always will be, the hypocrisy that reveals its lies.  When people are convinced that they are operating under an ultimate moral authority (deity), and are directed to do something, anything, that they consider to be “virtuous”, that they think is right under the banner of a deity, and have been instructed to do so by religious authorities,  they will do it willingly and without remorse.  Even if it is terribly wrong. This makes religion the most dangerous form of tyranny.  And America is “One Nation Under God”?

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Fuck Thanking A God… Thank Each Other!

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , on November 21, 2012 by RJ Evans

Thanksgiving day has arrived for another round of football games, family feasts, and the inevitable afternoon snooze.  The history of Thanksgiving is based in religion.  And, of course, it is a religious holiday, no matter how hard that may be to swallow.  Yeah, swallow.  Kinda like dry dressing.  Because, quite frankly, a lot of folks give thanks to a skyrat and forget about thanking each other.

From Wikipedia…

“In the United States, the modern Thanksgiving holiday tradition is commonly, but not universally, traced to a poorly documented 1621 celebration at Plymouth in present-day Massachusetts. The 1621 Plymouth feast and thanksgiving was prompted by a good harvest.

In later years, religious thanksgiving services were declared by civil leaders such as Governor Bradford who planned a thanksgiving celebration and fast in 1623. The practice of holding an annual harvest festival like this did not become a regular affair in New England until the late 1660s.

Pilgrims and Puritans who began emigrating from England in the 1620s and 1630s carried the tradition of Days of Fasting and Days of Thanksgiving with them to New England. Several days of Thanksgiving were held in early New England history that have been identified as the “First Thanksgiving”, including Pilgrim holidays in Plymouth in 1621 and 1623, and a Puritan holiday in Boston in 1631.

Thanksgiving proclamations were made mostly by church leaders in New England up until 1682, and then by both state and church leaders until after the American Revolution. During the revolutionary period, political influences affected the issuance of Thanksgiving proclamations. Various proclamations were made by royal governors, John Hancock, General George Washington, and the Continental Congress, each giving thanks to God for events favorable to their causes.  As President of the United States, George Washington proclaimed the first nation-wide thanksgiving celebration in America marking November 26, 1789, “as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God”.”

I went to the grocery store today to pick up a few things.  No… I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving anymore than I do Christmas.  My wife and I don’t indulge in useless holidays.  To us, they’re just days.  Business as usual.  Anyway… I’d ridden my motorcycle to the store and looked every bit my usual dirtbag self.  I made my purchases, and then pushed the cart with the few bags I had out to the bike.  I loaded the trunk and saddle bags, then turned to grab the cart and take it to the cart rack.  I noticed an elderly woman closing the back door of her car, cane in hand, and an empty cart at the back of her vehicle.  The cart rack was just a few parking spaces away from her’s so I walked  over to her and offered to take her cart.  She was happy that I’d asked and gave me a smile and a sincere “Thank you”.  I told her it was my pleasure and  grabbed her cart with my free hand and wheeled it away.  I had no sooner put the carts into the rack and turned around to walk back to my bike when another woman walking through the parking lot looked over at me and said, “That was awfully kind of you”.  I smiled and replied “Thanks”.  Thanks.  It’s a simple word, and it really shouldn’t require a religious holiday.  It should be something we think about all the time.  It doesn’t require a skyrat and it should never be taken for granted.  But, that’s what a lot of folks do.  One day a year they thank an imaginary skyrat for the food on their table,  and completely forget about the very real human effort it took to put it there.   In fact, it’s human effort that does it every single day.  Folks forget about the farmers, laborers, the truck drivers, the rail workers, the grocers… all the things that are real and tangible, the millions of people it took to put that food on that table.  They also forget about all the hard work done in the kitchen, by various members of the family and friends, to prepare that meal.  They forget because they’re too fucking wrapped up in thanking a non-existent deity.  Thankless bastards.

If there’s one thing I’d like this bullshit holiday to inspire more than folk’s taste buds, and a penchant for praising 2000+ year old fictonal characters… If you’re going to give thanks, give it to those who are real, who worked hard to put that plate of food in front of your salivating face.  Thank the humans who, in your everyday REAL life, actually give a shit about you.  Thank them, and thank other human beings who have been kind, civil, gentle, compassionate, giving, loving, and genuine too you.  They’re the folks who make your life a little better and easier.  Really.  Fuck thanking a God… Thank each other!

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