American Heathen®

(Editorial Comment from  host RJ Evans on his American Heathen® radio show – Air Date 08/11/12)

FRANK BURNS – “Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy.”

MARGARET HOULIHAN – “We’re lucky to be two of the few and not the many.”

FRANK BURNS – “I know, darling, and I love being both of us.”

Major Frank Burns was a character from the extremely successful television series M*A*S*H that ran from 1972 to 1983. The part of Frank Burns was brought to life by actor Larry Linville (1939-2000). The Burns character was a spoof on the hypocrisy of the self-righteous and bigoted conservative mentality of god and country, the red scare, and McCarthyism during the Korean Conflict. It was supposed to be a caricature, if not an outright reveal, of the paranoid culture of neo-conservatism. It was supposed to be.

I am a big fan of the M*A*S*H television series. I have seen every episode more times than I can count. And I still can’t get enough. And it’s because of my addiction to the show that I have come to the realization that Major Frank Burns isn’t a fictional caricature from a TV series. No. Major Frank Burns embodies all that is wrong with almost every member of the extreme GOP/CNP since the 1950′s. Let’s look at a few quotes from the character of Frank Burns and see just how relevant they are today.

FRANK BURNS – “I’m sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?”

President George W. Bush – “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable, and we’re going to do something about it.”

* * * * * *

FRANK BURNS – “It’s the way these yellow devils think. It’s burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don’t respect human life the way we do. I’d like to take him out and shoot him.”

Ann Coulter – “I don’t really like to think of it as a murder. It was terminating Tiller in the 203rd trimester. … I am personally opposed to shooting abortionists, but I don’t want to impose my moral values on others.”

FRANK BURNS – “This was a great war until you guys showed up.”

Ann Coulter – “Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots.”

* * * * * *

FRANK BURNS – “I don’t see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two *pagans*.”

Sen. Rick Santorum – “Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?”

* * * * * *

FRANK BURNS – “Laugh now, but when this war is over, I’ll go back to my Country Club and my 30 foot yacht, and you two will be ship’s doctors on a garbage scow somewhere.”

Mitt Romney – “I should tell my story. I’m also unemployed.”

FRANK BURNS – “Individuality is fine, as long as we all do it together.”

Mitt Romney – “Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People’s pockets. Human beings, my friend.”

Rick Santorum – “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom. … What I’m talking about is onward American soldiers. What we’re talking about are core American values.”

* * * * * *

I could go on and on. The parallels between Major Frank Burns and the GOP/CNP are amazing. But, what’s really surprising is how ridiculous these parallels are. The fiction of the Frank Burns caricature is now a true-to-life reality, and it has become a prominent part of the GOP/CNP discourse. Every day that I read or hear quotes from the Right, I’m quickly reminded of, and transported to, an episode of M*A*S*H, the 4077th, and the absurdity of Major Frank Burns.

I’ll close with one of Frank’s classic quotes… a quote that best describes the GOP/CNP and their continuing march toward amazing stupidity:

FRANK BURNS – “Oh, it’s okay, Father. I don’t think my mind was any sounder when I was well.”

Remember that one the next time the GOP/CNP screws America over. Because, Frankly America… You’re getting Burned.

This entry was posted on August 11, 2012 at 10:25 pm and is filed under Politics, Religion . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.