Like the show? Hate the show? FAN IT! Search American Heathen® on Facebook and join the Evolution of a Godless Revolution!
Archive for May, 2010
(Editorial Comment #2 from the American Heathen® radio show – Air Date 05/21/10)
Just exactly what is an Anti-Christ? Well, in a nutshell it’s the yin to the yang of the christian skybaby. It’s the delusional nemesis of christian delusion, a twisted, demented, all hating, everything evil… dominionist. Yes, I said dominionist. For in reality, the christian doctrine emulates the very antithesis that it created in the furnace father, satan. Both sides of the story demand dominion over man. Both sides relish torture and punishment. Both sides demand worship and capitulation. The story itself reads like a d-grade movie script. Good against evil, good guy against the bad guy, played out by actors that really only exist on the printed page, conjured up by overactive imaginations and written and re-written hundreds and thousands of times at the insistence of producers and directors all clamoring for a box office hit. They all want to be Oscar winners.
Anyway… the anti-christ really isn’t a being. Obviously it’s not human either. Exactly what it is though is easy to define. The anti-christ is any idea that doesn’t fit with someone’s christian idea. In christianity’s terms, it’s “If they don’t agree with my dogma, then they’re against christ.” Wallah! Meet the anti-christ.
I’m one of millions upon millions of anti-christs. We’re everywhere. No matter where you look, you can find us. In fact, take a good look at your fellow christian if you’re a believer. You will discover that in the end analysis, they most likely disagree with your dogma, and you with theirs. That’s why there are infinite shades of colored rhetoric, supposition, interpretation, speculation over the bible… and in reality it’s ALL anti-christian. Even the bible itself is anti-christian. It contradicts itself so often that it creates its own antithesis. So much for the anti-christ huh?
Ultimately, only one thing is certain. Just like all the other skydaddy’s that came before christ… the anti-skydaddy’s always win. Because in reality, the biggest and baddest anti-christ/anti-skydaddy of all is knowledge.
(Editorial Comment #1 from the American Heathen® radio show – Air Date 05/21/10)
I was taking a big shit the other day as I surfed the net looking for stories for the show. I sat quietly, enjoying the moment as my ass carefully laid a series of massive logs gently into the bowl beneath it. No “plop, plop” here, just a gentle release of biomass and a sense of relief and satisfaction for successfully making a deposit into my septic system that didn’t result in a brain hemorrhage and death. When I finished I set the computer down on the counter next to me and proceeded to measure out the correct amount of toilet paper for the job at hand (pun intended). With each firm but gentle wipe, I carefully examined the color and texture of my stool remnants. At my age, it’s important to check your shit for any signs of illness. You know… things like internal bleeding, pieces of rectum, bowel or intestine? Anyway… I finished wiping my bung hole and the area around it. I stood up, turned around and inspected my handiwork as it rested in the bottom of the bowl. It was then that I noticed that my shit really smelled bad. Now, I’m not talking fart bad here. I’m talking rotting, decaying, dead stink. My nose turned up and away. PHEW! DAMN! It was at that very moment that a light-bulb turned on above my head and I came up with tonight’s editorial. My shit really stinks, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
My shit does indeed stink and I’m not afraid nor reluctant to admit it. In fact, I actually enjoy stepping forward and announcing that my shit stinks. It’s very liberating, cleansing, and honest. I also realize that the older I get, the stinkier my shit gets and I’m proud to admit it. My shit really stinks, and it’s only going to get worse. But, fortunately for everyone else, with the exception of my wife, I will absolutely keep my stinky shit to myself. You see, it’s important to keep your stinky shit to yourself and admit that it’s really stinky. It’s called showing a little respect for other human beings. There’s no need to share my stinky shit with the world. Really.
Christians have some really stinky shit. It’s called christianity. Two thousand-year old stinky shit, and it get’s stinkier everyday. But, most christians won’t admit that their religious stinky shit is stinky. No. They take great pleasure in denying their shit stinks, and they love to force others to smell, and even taste their stinky shit at every opportunity. They can’t seem to keep their stinky shit to themselves. What’s more, they love to bathe and wallow in their stinky shit almost as much as they love smelling their stinky shit, and sharing their stinky shit with everyone. It’s a shit fest of global proportions.
I find it interesting that christians have no idea just how stinky their own shit is. They’ve been sniffing it for so long that they’ve grown used to it I suppose. And, do they even know how utterly disgusting it looks? I mean, they’ll wipe at it from time to time, but never really take a good close look at it. They never inspect the toilet tissue (the bible) and indeed they would never think to look into the bowl (use scientific observation) and check the health of their stinky shit. Nope. They relish the smell, and with every passing decade, the smell grows stinkier and stinkier. And, even more distressing is the fact that they will never flush the toilet for fear of losing the wonderful stench that emanates from their stinky shit. All they care about is making sure that their stinky shit continues to stink, and spread throughout the planet in a massive wave of noxious, disgusting fumes, insulting noses wherever they may breath.
So, while I keep my stinky shit under wraps, under control, and with due diligence inspect it for signs of disease, christians around the world keep piling their shit on with no care whatsoever for who smells it, and with no care to inspect it. I would venture to guess that someday, their christian pile of shit will eventually consume them, and shit them out like so much more shit. And, that my friends, will be some real stinky, stinky shit.
(Editorial Comment from the American Heathen® radio show – Air Date 05/14/10)
This past Monday, May 10th, brought a round of severe weather to Oklahoma. A total of 12 tornadoes, and large hail, ripped through the eastern half of the state causing a great deal of damage, injuring over one hundred people, and claiming the lives of two. It is a terrible tragedy indeed. Yet, for all the hype over this event, one town’s crusade to protect itself from nature’s wrath cheapens the disaster, and makes this particular story more of a circus sideshow as opposed to the “catastrophe waiting to happen” that it truly is.
As I mentioned a minute ago, the town of Miami, Oklahoma decided to pray the weather away. Yes, pray. The city’s Emergency Management Coordinator, Glenna Longan, in an official capacity, decided to activate the city’s Emergency 911 prayer group on Monday morning to offer up groveling prayers to a skydaddy in an effort to make the severe weather “dissipate”. Longan claims the group doesn’t want severe weather to affect anyone, but in her statement to the press she said the prayer group’s efforts appear to be working in that Miami has not been hit by a severe storm since the group’s inception. Meanwhile, areas throughout Oklahoma, affected by Monday’s storms, clean up the mess, repair the damage, and forge ahead. Most Oklahoman s are fairly well prepared for an event like this. Planning and preparedness are key in this part of the country, and prayer is not part of official disaster planning. So,for Longan to abuse her position and draw a ridiculous conclusion that prayer is what is keeping Miami, Oklahoma safe… Quite frankly, she is setting the stage for a disaster of monumental proportions for the residents of her area that she is charged with protecting.
It’s bad enough the idea that anyone can pray away severe weather. But, the fact is that this bullshit religious snake oil (praying) is being touted as policy by government officials responsible for safety and preparedness of their community! This not only violates Separation of Church and State, but it is also premeditated murder, before the fact. If government officials of Miami, Oklahoma really think that prayer plays a legitimate part in severe weather preparedness… they should be removed from office immediately! They are endangering not only their community, but other communities around the country who may be influenced by religious bullshit disguised as proactive protection against natural disasters.
I have said this before, and I’ll say it again. How many people have to die before people see religion for what it is? It is a sham, and it is legalized murder on so many levels. Government officials of Miami, Oklahoma have already written the epitaph for their future tombstone.
Truly a masterpiece!
(Editorial Comment from the American Heathen® radio show – Air Date 04/30/10)
I’m so goddamned happy! My life is full, exciting, challenging. It has its ups and downs, good times and bad times. It’s an adventure laced with moments of raw emotion and jam-packed with intellectual stimulation and wonder. I’m so goddamned happy… I have a wonderful wife, and a few really good friends. I’m so goddamned happy… I enjoy health, wellbeing, and do not fear death. I embrace the inevitable and live in the moment, never the care for what will be, but for what is. I’m so goddamned happy… For all their condemnation and vitriol… for all their prayers for my salvation… for all their fear of reality… my goddamn happiness is what christians can’t resolve. Why? Because I’m Atheist and I’m goddamned happy!
I always wonder what it is in the christian mindset that precludes them from understanding that Atheists can be goddamn happy. They insist that we must be miserable, without purpose, loathing life and angry at the skydaddy. In their confusion, they pray for us, wistfully hoping for our capitulation to dogma, and ultimately a life of servitude, guilt, shame and misery. They can’t stand the fact that goddamn happiness doesn’t truly exist in their alternate reality. Bound by the slavery of religion, bound tightly by the shackles of humility in the shadow of myth, christians crave company. And, indeed, misery does love company. Therefore it severely ruffles the feathers of christians when an Atheist steps boldly into the batters box and hits a grand slam into the bleachers of goddamn happiness.
“RJ! You’re deceived by the devil! You aren’t really happy! You’re living a lie! Really! You’re living life selfishly, and for all the wrong reasons!” Ahhhh… the Jesedi mind trick! I see. I’m deceived by a myth, created by your skydaddy myth? I’m not really goddamn happy when I smile, laugh, soak up the sun, admire the moonlit sky, the stars? I’m not really goddamn happy when I stand in awe of the power, simplicity, and complexity of nature? I’m selfish even though I know and show compassion, empathy and sympathy? I’m selfish even though I give when I can, and expect nothing, nor care for, anything in return? Wow! What part of my goddamn happiness do they not understand?
Skydaddy belief is the equivalent of a small, immature child needing parental guidance. It is fear of the big bad world which manifests itself so clearly in christianity. But, instead of parental fears, (an impossibility in this case) the child (i.e. the christian) is afraid to grow up. Clinging to it’s skydaddy’s ankle (or mother Mary’s bosom if they are catholic), the christian never grows past the terrible two’s. Forever dependent, forever afraid, forever living life in a high chair, the christian becomes a permanent resident, latch key kid in skydaddy daycare. Occasionally they’ll change their own diaper (read denomination) when the shit (read doctrine) gets too stinky, mushy, and intolerable, but they never get to the toilet training (i.e. making conscious, reasoned, logical decisions and trusting in themselves). So, they wander through life, miserable in their squishy diapers, snot dripping from their nose, food all over their face, crying, whining, pouting, throwing fits… How happy can they be?
But, I’m so goddamn happy… I’m reminded of several lines of a rock anthem from the 70′s that best describes my journey from belief to non-belief, and my arrival at my goddamn happiness. From Alice Coopers “I’m Eighteen”…
“I got a baby’s brain and an old man’s heart. Took eighteen years to get this far. Don’t always know what I’m talkin’ about. Feels like I’m livin in the middle of doubt. Cause I’m…Eighteen, I get confused every day
Eighteen, I just don’t know what to say. Eighteen,I gotta get away…
Lines form on my face and my hands. Lines form on the left and right. I’m in the middle the middle of life
I’m a boy and I’m a man. I’m eighteen and I LIKE IT. Yes I like it. Oh I like it. Love it. Like it”
… because I’m so goddamned happy… that I grew up.
AH PROGRAM NOTE: American Heathen® will be on hiatus this coming Friday (05/07/10) but will return Friday, May 14th at its regular time.